


The Soft Kitty Chronicles

by Dragon_MoonX



Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies)
Genre: Adult Humor, Grindelwald is a soft kitty, M/M, Movie 2: Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald Spoilers, Ridiculous Crack, Romance, meow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-28
Updated: 2019-05-17
Packaged: 2019-09-01 21:50:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 4,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16773598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dragon_MoonX/pseuds/Dragon_MoonX
Summary: Gellert Grindelwald, with his soft white hair, pale complexion and mismatched eyes, bears a striking resemblance to a cat. Albus Dumbledore knows this, and together they can't help finding beauty and amusement in the young man's appearance.





	1. Lullaby

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally part of my Dark Humor collection. Which was fine when I had written two or three chapters of Grindelwald being a soft kitty. Then it just snowballed and now I have several chapters because the story has taken on a life of its own.

He inhaled slowly, breathing in the pleasant scent of lemon drops and cinnamon. It was an alluring smell, one that Grindelwald noticed the moment he entered the room. And when that delicious aroma mingled with the sweat from their bodies, as it did on a night like tonight, it became the most exotic, arousing scent he'd ever encountered.

The bedsheets rustled against his skin, cool fabric flowing like water over his heated body. He shifted slightly, and felt his partner's lips against his neck. It was enough to make him moan with pleasure, his fingertips gliding across Dumbledore's chest, pulling him close, heart against heart in darkness.

"Don't tease me, Albus," he growled, his eyes flashing dangerously in the moonlight.

There was a pause, a single breath, and Dumbledore chuckled.

This man, with his shock of white hair and two different colored eyes, had captured his heart. To some he was terrifying, a threat to every living thing on earth. And perhaps that's why he felt drawn to him in the first place. But when they were alone, with nothing but a sliver of moonlight and a narrow strip of fabric separating them, this fierce man became something entirely different.

Grindelwald relaxed in his embrace, his eyes closed as Dumbledore stroked his hair. "Albus," he murmured, his voice low and drowsy. "I want you to sing to me. Sing to me my favorite song, the one we both know and love."

"Certainly, Gellert." Dumbledore cleared his throat, his fingers combing through Grindelwald's hair as a soothing song poured from his lips. "Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur. Happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr, purr, purr."

"Yes," Grindelwald murmured sleepily. "I'm your soft kitty." He then leaned over and whispered in Dumbledore's ear, "Meow."


	2. A Mixup In Time

The following morning, Albus was first to rise and go to work, leaving his partner to pass the time with his malfunctioning time turner. One wrong turn later and Grindelwald found himself in a room that was shockingly pink. Everything from the curtains to the carpet was a pale shade of pink, with several vases containing an assortment of dried flowers perched upon the furniture.

He took a step forward, eyes narrowed as he examined the floral print on the wallpaper, then wrinkled his nose in disgust as he caught a whiff of the lavender fragrance wafting from the surface of the paper.

"What is this?" he muttered, a hint of irritation in his voice. "Did I mistakingly walk into a florist's living room?"

Something soft brushed against his leg while he was examining the wallpaper, and he spun around, his eyes traveling downwards where he spied a Siamese cat sitting at his feet. More cats started filing into the room; white Persians, grey and orange tabbies, two black Manx, and even a hairless Sphynx.

Cats filled the room, from the living, breathing animals that surrounded him to the ones on the decorative plates lining the walls. Grindelwald tried stepping over the multitude of cats, moving left then right, his back against the wall as he squeezed past an overweight Tabby, then stopped halfway across the room when he spied a plump witch standing in the doorway.

Their eyes met across the sea of cats, a curse forming on his lips, his hand reaching for his wand. He was seconds away from cursing her into oblivion when she vanished from sight, a girlish smirk curling her lips as she appeared beside him.

"My, but you're a pretty little thing, aren't you, dear?" she cooed, admiring the way his black and silver eyes gleamed in the firelight. "You look just like my baby, Miss Prissypants. You know, she has eyes just like yours," she added thoughtfully, tapping him on the nose with the tip of her index finger.

Grindelwald stared at her, his mouth opening in astonishment. Her fingers nestled in his hair, and she stroked him as though he were one of her pets. At first he resisted, ducking out of reach as soon as he realized what she was doing. But the witch was persistent, her arm outstretched as she followed him around the room.

"Come here, Snowball, you naughty kitty!" she said, still running after him as he dove behind the armchair.

"Good lord, woman!" Grindelwald exclaimed, peeking out from behind the furniture. "Are you out of your mind?!" If he weren't completely flabbergasted by her bizarre behavior, he would have hexed her the moment she started chasing him around the room. But for the time being his mind was completely blank, his thoughts disintegrating as she resumed petting him.

This time he leaned into her touch, his eyes closed, purring as she scratched him behind the ear. It felt too good to resist. And if he was going to be stuck here with this crazy cat lady, he might as well enjoy himself until he figured out how to return to his own time.


	3. Cupcakes & Kitties

It took some time, but Grindelwald finally managed to escape from Umbridge and her cavalcade of cats. Though he would miss having her stroke his pale locks and call him Miss Prissypants, there was only one person who could stroke him in all the right places. And that man was due to be home by eight 'o clock, which meant that he only had fifteen minutes to whip up a batch of cupcakes for his partner's birthday before Dumbledore came home.

Of course, he could use the time turner that was currently in his possession to give him some more time. But no, that would be too easy. And besides, Grindelwald was one of the most powerful dark wizards in all of history. Surely he could handle a simple cupcake recipe.

Or so he thought.

By the time Dumbledore returned home Grindelwald had succeeded in covering the kitchen walls and ceiling in copious amounts of pink frosting. The oven was partially melted thanks to his incorrect use of runes to heat the appliance. And in the center of it all was Grindelwald, sitting on the kitchen floor with rainbow colored sprinkles in his hair.

Dumbledore couldn't help but chuckle as he walked into the kitchen, his eyes twinkling as he surveyed the damage. "Let me guess," he began, smiling serenely at his crestfallen lover. "You tried to make me a birthday cake and blew up half the kitchen."

"Cupcakes actually," mumbled Grindelwald, unable to look at him as he spoke. "I thought I'd try something smaller since my previous attempt was a failure."

"Oh, I don't know about that. Last time you managed to transfigure yourself into a cat for three hours. Quite an accomplishment, if you ask me."

The dark wizard lifted his chin, a frown creasing the corners of his lips as he glared at Dumbledore. "I wasn't trying to transfigure myself into a cat, Albus. I was trying to make you a birthday cake shaped like a cat. Ever since then I've been stuck with fluffy cat hair and mismatched eyes." He shifted slightly, letting his gaze drift towards the floor. "This is ridiculous," he grumbled. "How am I supposed to lead our people for the greater good if I can't even bake a batch of cupcakes?"

Dumbledore came forward and knelt down in front of him. "While you might not be able to bake a decent birthday cake, you yourself are quite a delicious treat." He then raised his hand and brushed his thumb against Grindelwald's cheek, removing a glob of frosting from his face. "Far better than pastries any day," he added, bringing his fingers to his mouth and licking the frosting off.

Grindelwald's eyes lit up as he realized what he was saying, and suddenly he was glad that he hadn't used up all the frosting on his failed attempt at baking.


	4. Wet & Wild

Storm clouds raced across the horizon, unleashing a torrent of rain as the thestral drawn carriage flew through the air. The passengers inside the carriage hadn't the slightest clue what Grindelwald was planning. It wasn't until the dark wizard's features began to shift and contort that they realized something was wrong. And by then it was too late.

Grindelwald seized the reins, wind whipping his rain soaked hair into his face. He was certain those fools he'd left behind had drowned when he drove the carriage under the freezing waters. His loyal servant Abernathy had come close to blacking out, his vision blurring as Grindelwald's hand closed around the chain, forcefully removing the pendant before returning to the driver's seat.

He was free. After six long months he had finally escaped. There was only one thing left to do now that he'd managed to free himself from that wretched prison.

.oOo.

Albus Dumbledore was relaxing in his living room when he heard a knock at the door. The sound was subtle, tugging him away from his book, and slowly he lifted his gaze, wondering who might be calling at this late hour of the night.

He set his book on the coffee table, the knock sounding again, louder this time, as he made his way across the living room.

"Just a moment," he said, announcing his presence to the visitor on his doorstep.

Albus turned the doorknob, and there in the rain stood Gellert Grindelwald.

There was a pause, the both of them staring at each other. Rain continued to drum a steady rhythm on the rooftop, dripping and running from Grindelwald's platinum blond hair.

"Good evening." A smirk spread across Grindelwald's face. He held his arms out at his sides, palms facing upwards to show that he wasn't armed. "Your soft kitty is home." He then leaned forward and added in a sultry tone, "Meow."

Albus couldn't help the chuckle that rose in his throat. "More like my wet pussy is home."

"Go ahead and laugh, Albus, because this is the only wet pussy you'll be getting tonight," quipped Grindelwald.

"That's quite alright. You know I've always preferred the company of fine fellows, and you're the finest one of all." He then put his arm around his partner and led him inside, giving him a seat in front of the fireplace and a warm cup of tea.


	5. Flaming Furball

"Magic blooms only in rare souls," Grindelwald began, turning to face the crowd that had gathered on the steps of the auditorium. "Still we must skulk in the shadows. But the old ways serve us no longer."

The audience watched with rapt attention, seemingly transfixed by his words. Then, before their very eyes, Grindelwald raised his wand, waving it like a conductor's baton. His graceful movements brought forth a sea of bluish flames, encircling the steps and stretching towards the ceiling.

"Those who are faithful, come forward!" he called out, arms spread wide as he addressed his followers. "Let the strength of your conviction be your guiding light." A pause, a fiendish grin stretching the pale features of his face. "Come to me. Let us take our rightful place in the wizarding world."

The flames grew higher, licking at pillars of stone, devouring those who were unfit to stand in his presence. Their screams echoed off the vaulted ceiling, and in the midst of it all Grindelwald came forward, summoning a tremendous creature from the wall of fire.

The flames parted, but instead of the dragon he thought he'd summoned, a kitten with eyes like shining sapphire orbs emerged from the fire. It scampered across the floor, leaving a trail of cerulean embers in its wake.

"Meow." The flaming kitten sat down at his feet, gazing up at him out of its piercing blue eyes. "Meow meow meow."

"What?!" Grindelwald's exclamation echoed off the walls, then silence, followed by laughter as Albus Dumbledore fell to the floor, laughing and rolling down the steps towards his pasty partner.

Albus stopped short of the blazing feline, grinning and wiping tears of mirth from his eyes. Grindelwald and his kitten were staring at him, unable to look away from the young man lying sprawled on his back across the concrete floor.

"I love you, you magnificent flaming pussy."

"No!" Grindelwald roared amid renewed guffaws from the lovestruck professor. "Soft kitty is one thing, but I am not a flaming pussy!"

"Yes, you are," Albus teased lovingly. "And Albie loves his flaming pussy very much."

Grindelwald huffed out an irritated sigh, rolled his mismatched eyes, then turned and walked away. "Get out of my sight, Albus!" he snapped. "I don't have time for your nonsense."


	6. Cat Toys

Newt Scamander had been watching the goings on from the steps of the auditorium. He saw Grindelwald summon a flaming kitten from a wall of fire. He heard Albus Dumbledore laughing and watched him rolling down the steps. And suddenly it occurred to him that there might be an easier way to subdue the dark wizard.

He moved towards the ring of fire, one hand reaching into his coat pocket as he descended the stone steps. His fingers closed around a cylindrical object, and suddenly he heard Grindelwald speak.

"Mr. Scamander, do you think Dumbledore will mourn for you?"

This was it. Grindelwald had raised his wand and was about to curse him into oblivion. If he didn't act now, he might not get a second chance.

Newt whipped out a feathered cat toy, the same one he used to catch the Zouwu from the circus.

Grindelwald froze, the half spoken incantation dying in his throat. He stared at the toy, seemingly mesmerized by its dangling feathers and jingling bells. "Mine?" he squeaked, his voice sounding ridiculously high. He pointed to himself, a faint but hopeful smile curling his lips. "Is that for me?"

"Come on now." Newt wiggled the toy, causing its bells to sing in unison. "Come on." He then began to move towards the entrance, thinking that maybe he could distract him long enough for his friends to escape.

The dark wizard got down on all fours, the Obscurial forgotten as he chased after Newt. But Credence wasn't having any of it. He had come here for a reason, and he wasn't going to let this man stand in the way of getting the answers he so desperately needed.

Swallowing his fear, the Obscurial came forward, grasping the dark wizard by the sleeve of his coat and pulling him towards the center of the auditorium. "Please, sir," Credence murmured, his voice no more than a frightened whisper. "Please, I need to know who I am..." His voice trailed off into silence when Grindelwald spun around, glaring at him out of his black and silver eyes.

Credence bowed his head, too terrified to run and too afraid of letting go. Those horribly mismatched eyes traveled downwards, slowly, and for a moment Credence felt his heart stall in his chest.

"Please," he said again, desperation shining in his eyes.

Grindelwald's gaze lingered on the boy's hand, on the scars that laced his fingers, and suddenly he remembered.

"That's right." That familiar grin cut across Grindelwald's pale features, his eyes alight with malicious intent. "You're coming with me." He took one last look at the colorful cat toy then vanished, returning to Nurmengard where he would have all the cat toys, yarn balls and scratching posts his heart desired.


	7. We Be Trippin' Now

Credence was in awe of the magnificent view, seeing the distant mountaintops stretching out as far as the eye could see. But when he turned around, the view from inside the halls of Numengard was less than stunning.

The floor beneath his feet strewn with various cat toys and tangled strands of yarn. A shredded mouse with stuffing spilling from a rip in its side lay forgotten in the corner.

Grindelwald was seated next to him, smoking catnip from a glowing skull shaped bong. His mismatched eyes rolled back in his head, inhaling deeply then attempting to hold his breath as he got to his feet.

"Your name," he began, leaning forward and placing his hands on Credence's shoulders, "is Dumbledorfffff." He said this rather slowly, spittle flying from his lips during the prolonged F sound.

Credence leaned back, the strong scent of catnip clogging his nostrils. "What?"

"Aurelius Dumbledore!" Grindelwald coughed and waved a hand in front of his face. "Oh wow, that's some strong stuff."

The dark wizard lowered his hand, and the chick perched upon the windowsill hopped onto his palm. "Oh, and here's your bird." He then tossed the baby bird into the air where it burst into flame, becoming a full grown phoenix. "Congratulations! You're a member of the Dumbledore clan!"

The Obscurial stared, scarcely believing his eyes. Which were now watering due to the thick cloud of vapor that filled the room.

Grindelwald slipped a wand into Credence's hand and patted him on the shoulder. "Have fun with that." He then turned on heel and marched out of the room, muttering something about doughnuts and a saucer of warm milk.


	8. Circus Life

Grindelwald departed in a hazy bubble of smoke and catnip fumes, leaving Credence to practice his spellcasting while he stuffed his face with gooey treats. It wasn't long until the dark wizard lay sprawled across the kitchen table, his eyes half-closed with frosting clinging to his hair and face.

Slowly, he lifted his head, staring at the wall as though it were the most fascinating thing in the world. He then tried preening himself kitty-cat style, licking the back of his hand and using it to smooth his hair into place. This resulted in sticky strands of pastry frosting stretching from his forehead to his fingertips, creating a spiderweb of sugar and sprinkles.

When all was said and done, Grindelwald staggered out the front door and hitched a ride with a meatloaf monkey driving a moonbeam motor home. He didn't realize that this vehicle belonged to a certain ringmaster who was in need of a replacement act. To him it was a glittery sea of stars and candy canes, not a rickety old cart driven by a plump wizard with a thick accent.

Grindelwald giggled and pawed at the trailing banners as they rode off down the street. Their fluttering movements and bright colors thrilled him to no end, much like the ribbons on his favorite cat toy. They were nearing their destination when the dark wizard was struck in the back of the end head with a jet of purple light, rendering him unconscious.

He slumped against the mound of crates in the back of the cart, one arm dangling over the side. The ringmaster then levitated his unconscious body into a cage lined with straw, tossed in a couple of cat toys, and decided to call it a day.

.oOo.

The sun had risen well above the horizon when Grindelwald came to, groaning and blinking his mismatched eyes.

"Albus?" He lifted a hand and brought it to his temple, massaging the area over his right eye. "What the devil did we do last night?" He then realized that his fingers were stuck to his forehead, along with a generous portion of straw and sawdust.

His eyes traveled downwards, taking in the sight of his wrinkled clothing. He spied a plush mouse in the corner, next to a metal dish containing some stagnant water.

It was with great difficulty that he managed to peel his fingers off his forehead, his pale skin coated with globs of dried frosting leftover from last night's attack of the munchies. He then crawled catlike across the floor, stopping in front of his water dish and gazing at his reflection.

He plucked a piece of straw out of the crusty frosting that had dried on his face, staring at it in disbelief. Surely, this wasn't what he thought it was. He couldn't possibly be in -

"The circus?"

He caught sight of a colorful banner, the corner of which was reflected in his water dish. Slowly he turned, looking over his shoulder at a strip of fabric that boldly declared, "Circus Arcanus: Oddities and freaks!"

"No," he breathed, his eyes now drawn towards a poster on the wall which bore his likeness. The words "Majestic Feline" were emblazoned across the top, followed by a statement which said that he was "half-man and half-soft kitty".

Grindelwald was on his feet in an instant, gripping the bars and howling with rage.

If only he hadn't left his wand at home. If only there weren't Anti-Disapparation charms placed on every cage in the circus. Maybe then he could return to Nurmengard. But for now he was stuck, waiting for the crowd to roll in and gawk at his unusual appearance.


	9. What's In A Name?

"Aurelius!" Grindelwald hissed, gripping the bars of his cage. "What the devil do you think you're doing?"

The Obscurial had arrived not long after his master had gone missing, with everyone from Abernathy to Vinda Rosier joining in the search. The only problem was that Credence didn't know what he was doing in terms of casting spells, and was now attempting to pick the lock using a twisted piece of wire.

"Aurelius, my boy, use your wand! There are spells for unlocking such things." Though he tried to be patient with this inexperienced yet immensely powerful wizard, Grindelwald couldn't help thinking this was a waste of time, and that he could've escaped by now if the poor boy knew how to cast a proper spell.

"M-my wand?" Credence paused, looking up at him and trembling slightly. He could hear the anger in his master's voice, and he was afraid, not knowing if this man would turn on him like so many others. "B-but I don't know how..." he murmured. "I learned how to do things the No-Majuggle way, s-sir. This is how I freed Nagini when Skender punished her by keeping her locked up."

Grindelwald sighed, covering his face with his hand. Apparently this boy didn't even know what to call nonmagical people. "Aurelius," he said slowly, lowering his hand and taking a deep, calming breath. "The incantation is 'alohomora'. Point your wand at the lock and speak the incantation."

Credence looked at him as though such a thing were impossible. Grindelwald smiled.

"You can do this, Aurelius."

The Obscurial reached into his pocket and withdrew his wand. The smile quickly faded from Grindelwald's face when he saw sparks leaping from the tip of Credence's wand. He remembered how the boy demolished the mountain outside his home, and suddenly he had a vision of Credence accidentally lighting everything on fire while trying to free him from the cage.

"On second thought, perhaps you could try the other method," said Grindelwald, a nervous chuckle chasing his words. "You're more skilled in that particular area, are you not?"

Credence's face fell. Did his master not believe in him?

"I guess so." Credence carefully placed the twisted wire in the keyhole, jiggling it a little before a soft click sounded in the dark. "I think I got it."

The door swung forward, squealing on its rusty hinges. The noise was enough to alert the ringmaster, who rounded the corner just in time to see the pair of wizards sprinting across the tent.

They were joined a minute later by a flaming apparition, its haunting cry causing Grindelwald to double over as the sound met his ears.

"Pancakes!" exclaimed Credence, the magnificent bird flying alongside its owner.

"What? Pancakes?" Grindelwald clapped his hands over his ears, muffling the calls of the phoenix. "Don't tell me you named it Pancakes!"

Credence's face went red with embarrassment. "I can't name my phoenix Pancakes?"

This gave Grindelwald an idea. Quick as a wink, he summoned the flaming kitten he'd accidentally conjured in the Lestrange mausoleum, the cuddly cutie materializing at his side as he called its name.

"Sherbet! Come here at once, Sherbet!"

Before long the tent was ablaze, sheets of crimson and sapphire rising to consume the canvas as the beasts burned the path behind them. Skender had no choice but to abandon the chase, watching as the wizards and their flaming familiars Disapparated outside the tent.

.oOo.

Later that evening, as Grindelwald lay next to his beloved companion, he told Albus about their adventure, and how he was forced to rely on Credence in order to escape the circus.

"Pancakes, Albus! The boy named his familiar Pancakes!"

Albus chuckled, grinning as he put his arm around Grindelwald's shoulders. "Ah, but you chose to call your familiar Sherbet." He tilted his head to the side, his eyes twinkling. "How is that any different?"

"It's short for sherbet lemon!" spat Grindelwald. "You know, sherbet lemon, lemon drops, sweets. It has meaning, Albus. It's significant because it reminds me of you. But that boy," he paused, shaking his head. "He probably blessed it with the name Pancakes because he was hungry."

Albus smiled at him. "What's in a name?" he said simply, thinking this would put an end to their discussion.

Grindelwald raised an eyebrow. "Yes, well, let me tell you the rest of our story..."


End file.
